Wechselmodell – Erfahrungsbericht

Shared Parenting can work …

admin Familie Familienrecht- family law austria germany's avatarFamilie & Familienrecht

Wechselmodell – Es kann gut laufen

Wenn sich ein Paar scheiden lässt, stellt sich die Frage, wer die Kinder betreut. Das sogenannte Wechselmodell wird in Deutschland noch gerne verteufelt. Eine Leserin und ein Leser berichten von ihren positiven Erfahrungen damit.

 

(Foto: Andreas Gebert/dpa)“Fliegender Wechsel” vom 17. März und “Verordnen hilft da nicht” vom 9. März:

Dass die deutschen Familiengerichte nun endlich mehr das sogenannte Wechselmodell unterstützen, ist eine große Errungenschaft. Selbstverständlich ergibt dies nur Sinn, wenn Vater und Mutter beide ihre Kinder aufnehmen möchten, denn Kinder einem Elternteil “aufzudrücken”, ist kaum wünschenswert. Dank des Wechselmodells sind beide Elternteile gleichberechtigt und verpflichtet, und das ist gut so. Selbstredend sollten damit auch Unterhaltsverpflichtungen unter den Ehegatten – nach einer kurzen Übergangszeit zur möglicherweise erforderlichen beruflichen Neuorientierung – ausgeschlossen und Unterhaltsverpflichtungen für die Kinder paritätisch übernommen werden.

Meine Ex-Ehefrau und ich praktizieren das Wechselmodell seit mehr als zehn Jahren problemlos und im…

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The second summer

In the first half of 2010 nothing really serious happened. Interestingly enough we both petitioned for divorce on the same day! Her petition arriving a few hours before mine, so she “won”! it went on to take a year to finalise due to sorting out the one mandatory item in a German divorce – no not custody of the children as one would expect – but pension rights.

She proved to be a lot sneakier than last summer. But again – anything to stop the children staying with me for more than a couple of days.

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Fighting for justice

mrswrongchoice's avatarmrswrongchoice

Who can help me? Feels like no one’s there, when you have bills in the thousands because of court proceedings when all you want to do is protect your daughter 😞

So the inevitable happened, it was only a matter of time before it would of done anyway and maybe I shouldn’t even be writing about it on here. But I need to get it out, I need to scream but I can’t!

Back in July of 2016 my daughter told me her half brother from her “father” had been sexually abusing her she’s only 6 him 9 a repeated pattern of what he done to my sons when I was with his dad.

Court never listened to me wouldn’t even entertain what he did to my boys, so he was given no extra supervision when my daughter was having contact. My daughter told her “father” what had been happening…

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Brief an RTL zur Sendung Umgangsboykott

Here is a father’s letter to one of the main television channels (RTL). They recently had a feature on PA and he has written a letter to ask why he wasn’t interviewed although he was contracted several times beforehand.

The letter is incredible – it details some of the terrible things he and his children have had to endure because the German legal system just let the situation with his ex-wife carry on – complete with abducting his child, accusing him of trying to kill his child – all of this in THIRTY applications to court.

Get google to translate it for you – this is one of the worst cases of PA that I have ever come across.

 

admin Familie Familienrecht- family law austria germany's avatarFamilie & Familienrecht


Danke für die vielen Reaktionen auf meinen Brief an RTL SternTV.

Natürlich respektiere ich das, dass nicht jeder Betroffene seine Geschichte öffentlich darlegen möchte…
Ich hingegen denke, dass endlich mal alles auf den Tisch sollte, damit über dieses Thema viel mehr diskutiert wird… Damit Bewusstsein um die schrecklichen Um- und Zustände entsteht in denen viele tausend Kinder leben müssen.
Es geben viel zu viele Väter und auch Mütter von Vorneherein auf, weil ihnen die Kraft, das Durchhaltevermögen, das Auftreten, die Nerven, die finanziellen Mittel und das fachliche Wissen fehlt…
Selbst Fachanwälte für Familienrecht sind in diesem Dschungel von Paragraphen immer wieder überfordert. Weiter wissen Anwälte auch, dass viele Betroffene finanziell Ausbluten und unzählige Verfahren mit langen Anhörungen, Verfahren und riesigem Zeitaufwand folgen und mit nur kleinem Geld wegen Prozesskostenhilfe honoriert werden. Weiter wird immer noch zu sehr zwischen Müttern und Vätern unterschieden… Obwohl es…

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No More Visits to the Local Contact Centre

Fortunately I did not have the false allegations. But we could be telling the same story 😦

Lee Azevado's avatarLee Serpa Azevado

Apart from one hour spent with my youngest child at a Contact Centre six weeks ago, my ex-partner continues to prevent me from seeing my three children. I last had contact with all three of my children just over 8 months ago. The amount of money spent by both my ex-partner and myself is probably now nearing £10,000. I have also overcome unfounded safeguarding concerns against me. My ex-partner’s intention is to keep my children away from me and my intention is to co-parent.

Numerous interventions and contact sessions were ordered by a recent Court Order. My ex-partner shrewdly attended each session/intervention with the children in attendance. However she refused to enter the premises of each location on every occasion, and on each occasion ‘blamed’ the children for their ‘refusal to see me.’ My ex-partner has now breached most of these Court Orders with no legal consequences currently being placed on her.  All planned interventions have since been halted…

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Logic – Don’t you believe it!

So what about logic, and being logical. Well sometimes it doesn’t occur in nature especially in a ‘high conflict situation’ – for instance where custody is being disputed, and as part of existing custody judgements that are being torpedoed, circumvented and ignored.

What might seem logical – for instance offering to pick the children up a bit earlier so they are not waiting around for 45 minutes for the non-custodial parent to appear is to the custodial parent an excellent chance to disrupt the meeting. In my case simply her bringing the children in the car to another train station the same distance from their home would have saved one leg of the journey, enabled them to join the mainline train going directly to Munich instead of joining a little diddy train that brought them to the mainline train and takes 30 minutes longer. In this way I was being punished (I had the little diddy train and waiting twice!) and the kids had a lasting impression that meeting Daddy was ‘hassle’. i.e. instil a little bit of negative into the meetings.

I am reminded of the scene in Monty Pythons Holy Grail where a professor of logic (played by John Cleese) tries to explain his wife’s logic:

Good evening. The last scene was interesting from the point of view of a professional logician because it contained a number of logical fallacies; that is, invalid propositional constructions and syllogistic forms, of the type so often committed by my wife.

‘All wood burns,’ states Sir Bedevere. ‘Therefore,’ he concludes, ‘all that burns is wood.’ This is, of course, pure bullshit. Universal affirmatives can only be partially converted: all of Alma Cogan is dead, but only some of the class of dead people are Alma Cogan. ‘Oh yes,’ one would think. However, my wife does not understand this necessary limitation of the conversion of a proposition; consequently, she does not understand me, for how can a woman expect to appreciate a professor of logic, if the simplest cloth-eared syllogism causes her to flounder?

For example, given the premise, ‘all fish live underwater’ and ‘all mackerel are fish’, my wife will conclude, not that ‘all mackerel live underwater’, but that ‘if she buys kippers it will not rain’, or that ‘trout live in trees’, or even that ‘I do not love her any more.’ This she calls ‘using her intuition’. I call it ‘crap’, and it gets me very irritated because it is not logical. ‘There will be no supper tonight,’ she will sometimes cry upon my return home. ‘Why not?’ I will ask. ‘Because I have been screwing the milkman all day,’ she will say, quite oblivious of the howling error she has made. ‘But,’ I will wearily point out, ‘even given that the activities of screwing the milkman and getting supper are mutually exclusive, now that the screwing is over, surely then, supper may now, logically, be got.’ ‘You don’t love me any more,’ she will now often postulate. ‘If you did, you would give me one now and again, so that I would not have to rely on the Milkman for my orgasms.’ ‘I will give you one after you have got me my supper,’ I now usually scream, ‘but not before’– as you understand, making her bang contingent on the arrival of my supper. ‘God, you turn me on when you’re angry, you ancient brute!’ she now mysteriously deduces, forcing her sweetly throbbing tongue down my throat. ‘F**k supper!’ I now invariably conclude, throwing logic somewhat joyously to the four winds, and so we thrash about on our milk-stained floor, transported by animal passion, until we sink back, exhausted, onto the cartons of yogurt.

I’m afraid I seem to have strayed somewhat from my original brief. But in a nutshell: sex is more fun than logic. One cannot prove this, but it ‘is’ in the same sense that Mount Everest ‘is’, or that Alma Cogan ‘isn’t’.

A little bit long, but the gist is – accept it because it cannot be explained. And there is no way of forcing any form of acceptance of a ‘better way’ no matter how logical and beneficial to the children it might be.

Another example from real-life that none, and I mean none of my friends or acquaintances can understand is: The concept that having the kids over for the weekend means a weekend ‘off’ for the custodial parent – time for whatever they want!  Certainly, all the parents I know would give their eye-teeth for a day without the children for any number of reasons – primarily to rekindle the relationship – become lovers again, or do some DIY without any hindrances – anything really, instead of being only just parents. I know some of you will think I am selfish, but a successful family is a well-balanced family.

I’ll finish off with another logic quote – this time from ‘Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy’

“I refuse to prove that I exist,” says God, “for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.”

“But,” says Man, “the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn’t it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves that you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don’t. QED”

“Oh dear,” says God, “I hadn’t thought of that,” and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

“Oh, that was easy,” says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.

 © lostdad 2017 – all rights reserved

What Happened Next: Three Vignettes on the Successful Treatment of Parental Alienation

Excellent post that gives hopes to absent parents suffering under parental alienation.

 

karenwoodall's avatarKaren Woodall - Psychotherapist, Writer, Supervisor, Trainer

This week I am writing up the final chapters of my case notes in three cases where we have successfully treated parental alienation.  I thought it would be useful to share these (heavily disguised of course), so that what happens after our intervention is made visible. So much of our work takes place behind closed doors and it can be difficult for people to understand the interventions and outcomes of what we do because of this. By making such vignettes available we aim to show what we do and how we do it. We will share more of this information at our forthcoming clinical seminars, news of which will be posted here shortly.

Case 1:  This is a case of two children who we  removed from their mother in a direct transfer of residence ordered by the court.

The children had not seen their father for almost four years…

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