It is now a year since I have had any contact with my three beautiful young children.
My ex continues to deny me any contact with them. My ex continues to take advantage of a flawed system. A system that enables her to ignore and breach court orders for contact and engagement in interventions, with no legal consequence.
I do not claim to be an expert in parental alienation. My story is no worse than any other of the incalculable number of alienated out there.
The following is certainly not intended to be viewed as some kind of checklist to battle parental alienation.
I have simply reflected on the last year and compiled a list of what I have learnt during the last twelve months.
Normalising the sense of sadness and low mood one will invariably experience as an alienated parent is okay to do.
I have just read an excellent summary from the transparency project (link below) about a case from 2011 that has just been published in the UK.
Interesting is the fact that the child was at the time a ward of court, and the parents were still fighting for the child. In 2009 there had been enough evidence to see that the actions of both parents were detrimental to the child. In 2011 the judge summed up so:
The difficulty in the case is that each of them has heard clearly what I have said about the other, but for the most part, have not heard what was said about them … The conflict continues unabated. The mother continues to make allegations which the court has found unsubstantiated in her discussions with other professionals. The father still has no chink of understanding about why it all went wrong in the first place so far as his behaviour was concerned…
I was in the country of my birth last weekend. The first time privately (not business) since 2009. There are many reasons for this – lack of money, the shame of what has happened to me etc. etc.
The reason was for a reunion of friends that graduated in the summer of 1987. Yes it really is thirty years since I graduated, when my whole life seemed rosy and full of promise!
To tell the truth I did not want to go. I was afraid of another round of having to explain why I am in the situation with the children that I now find myself, “What did you do to make her do that?”. My wife persuaded me to go, and I love her for it, for I had one of the best weekends ever.
OK, this is from April, but I am genuinely surprised that it has not ‘surfaced’ before!
A family court in Nottingham sentenced a mother to 56 days for contempt of court. The sentence was suspended for one year which means that should she continue to be ‘unwilling’ in that time period to abide by the terms of the child arrangement order she will go to jail.
A signal against parental alienation, and parents that think they can get away with just not letting absent parents see their children.