Just a short post to say that I am back!
I apologise to those who are followers for the several month long hiatus, but there is a very good reason. After one and a half years of looking for a job after redundancy, I finally found one – and even a better job than my previous one.
The new colleagues are very friendly and exceptionally helpful in getting me up to speed, and the work is approaching ‘hobby’ level in terms of job satisfaction.
So the bottom line is – I devoted myself to getting settled into the new job for the last few months. I look forward to writing new posts in the future, as well as passing on interesting posts for you to read.
So I wish all of you – whatever your religious persuasion – a happy new year. And for those of you that are where I was (and in some small way I still am) I wish you success in all your endeavours.
I came across this video a couple of weeks ago. It tells the story of what has happened to a lot of us. It certainly touched a nerve for me when watching several scenes.
This video tells in a short space of time the story of parental alienation – how it starts, what the effects are, and how it can come to a situation where your own children no longer want to see you.
I recommend watching this video, bookmarking it and showing it to anybody who cannot believe parental alienation exists.
And of course, just share it where you can.
WARNING: Dilettantish, exceptionally amateur psychology follows, please look away if you are not empathetic (!)
Looking around the internet while researching this there are several articles discussing the empathy gap between couples. For instance, when one partner doesn’t give the appropriate response the other partner expects when something happens, be it a cut finger, slip, being fired, etc. etc. Empathy with the partner declines when one or both of the partners are not interested in the relationship anymore. This is logical – another way of putting it would be to say they are not in love anymore.
But what happens afterwards?
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I was in the country of my birth last weekend. The first time privately (not business) since 2009. There are many reasons for this – lack of money, the shame of what has happened to me etc. etc.
The reason was for a reunion of friends that graduated in the summer of 1987. Yes it really is thirty years since I graduated, when my whole life seemed rosy and full of promise!
To tell the truth I did not want to go. I was afraid of another round of having to explain why I am in the situation with the children that I now find myself, “What did you do to make her do that?”. My wife persuaded me to go, and I love her for it, for I had one of the best weekends ever.
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This post was suggested by my various professionals during my journey and a post by David Shubert on iwaserased.com
I have thought about this a lot over the previous years. How to put into words the loss that I feel not seeing my children, having no idea what they are up to, not being asked daddy questions and an infinite amount of other possible situations.
I was ‘lucky’, in that I have found (or they found me?) a wonderful new partner and her son, both of whom adore me. They make me feel whole, and the residual doubt that I had every now and then that I could have been to blame for what happened between my children, their mother and I have been exorcised. I know I am a good partner and a good father to a son who isn’t mine. I certainly must take part of the blame, as no break-up is without fault on both sides, but certainly, the majority lies with my ex-wife and her new partner, whose actions regarding the children I really cannot even begin to understand. And to be frank I don’t think I am even capable of understanding how insidious their campaign against me was and probably still is.
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