“To enable, or not to enable, that is the question…”

Another thoughtful article which could have been entitled “enablers by default”. People are so willing to help, but when it actually comes to action, unfortunately, their hands are tied!

Peace Not Pas

The above play on words got me pondering on both the natureand choice of behaviours of those thatintentionally or unintentionally become enablers of parental alienation.

“To be, or not to be, that is the question,” from Shakespeare’s Hamlet is arguably the best known line from literature and theatre. In its entirety the speech shows Hamlet’sprofound dissatisfaction with life andits many struggles. He is uncertain what death by suicide may bring.This is subtly underpinnedwith the Christiandenunciation of suicide, the Tudor belief that suicideleads to the fires of hell.Hamlet is highlighting the dread and uncertainty of suicide. He believes the wrongjudgment call leads to the fiery gates of hell with no way back.

In life there are many decisions and actionsthat are pivotal. Enablers of parental alienationultimately make the wrong judgement call, when they intentionally or unintentionally engage in certain behaviours. Some choose to ‘turn a blind eye’ while others are prevented…

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Types of alienation

Father - Attribution: https://www.flickr.com/photos/pslee999/
Father – Attribution: https://www.flickr.com/photos/pslee999/

Again, based on personal experience and has no relation to the work of practising members of the psychology profession!

I have been intimately involved in parental alienation for several years now. I have researched the hell out of it, and since the start of this blog at the start of the year I have also come across dozens more cases, some with their own blog, others through my twitter feed.

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Devastated Fathers Speak Out About Parental Alienation

Reports of the effects of parental alienation in Australia. Just as sad as elsewhere.

The Long Term Effects of Parental Alienation

For any parent who is alienated from their child, every single day brings the painful realisation that they are missing a vital piece of their heart and soul. To me it is an unimaginable pain, and yet one I encounter on an almost daily basis as I support men who through no fault of their own, have had this inflicted upon them.

Birthdays, holidays, and festive occasions are all exceptionally difficult times for alienated parents and after Christmas Day there is perhaps none more damaging or hurtful for men than being alienated on Father’s Day.

Many Australian families will be celebrating the role of father’s in their children’s lives this week. Little children will be rushing into Dad’s room to give him the present they made at school, or purchased from the school fete. Older children will be giving Dad a hug, making him breakfast and letting him know he is…

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How to Lie

Liar - Attribution: https://www.flickr.com/photos/howzey/
Liar – Attribution: https://www.flickr.com/photos/howzey/

That’s a strange title for a post isn’t it?

Well after several years of having to deal with this I have a theory. It probably will be shot down by any practising psychologist within a three-kilometer radius but here goes…

The problem with downright lying is that it is hard to reproduce. I mean we have all seen those crime series on TV, where the same questions are asked time and time again, sometimes from several angles to try and catch the perpetrator out. Well, there is a reason for this. If you make it up completely – I mean Pinocchio level lying, then it never happened, so how do you actually remember it? It is difficult, and some can do it, even maintaining the framework of several lies.

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Richterin Claudia Bandion-Ortner -> Kinder im Gerichtssaal? Auch hilfreich bei Urteil

Richterin Claudia Bandion-Ortner -> Kinder im Gerichtssaal? Auch hilfreich bei Urteil

Nice story about a daughter being allowed in the courtroom. When she ran over to her father and hugged him.

Familie & Familienrecht

Kinder lieben Mama UND Papa auch nach der Trennung,

ist Richterin C. BandionOrtner überzeugt.

Richterin Bandion-OrtnerRichterin Bandion-Ortner

Kinder im Gerichtssaal? Auch hilfreich bei Urteil

Es war eine ausgesprochen gute Idee, dass Klein Laura ihre Mama in Wien zum Gericht begleitet hat – obwohl Kinder im Gerichtssaal ja unerwünscht sind und dort auch nichts verloren haben. Es war, wie gesagt, eine gute Idee – wenn auch für den angeklagten Papa. Dem die Mama „ Kindesentziehung“vorgeworfen hatte . . .

Im Sommer soll es, so die Anklage, „ den Versuch gegeben zu haben, das Kind der Mutter im Park zu entreißen und wegzulaufen“.

„ Geeeehhhhhh bitte“, ist die fast entnervte Reaktion von Papa Sascha. „ Ich bin mit einem Freund wirklich zufällig an dem Park vorbeigefah- ren, bin ausgestiegen und hab erst dann gesehen, dass ihr Neuer dabei war. Ich hab meine Tochter auf den Arm genommen und wollt nur zwei Schritte weg…

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Hurting the Heart of a Child: Parental Alienation is Child Abuse

Karen Woodall

I continue to work with children in recovery from parental alienation, this is the bulk of my current work and as such it puts me in prime position to understand at the most fundamental levels, the harm that parental alienation does.  Close examination of how children recover from alienation is the subject of my doctoral research which, now that our book is being readied for publication (looks like end July folks), I can now spend more time on.

This week I heard the hurt of a child who has been harmed by the psychological splitting that comes with parental alienation. It was a visceral experience which took me straight to the core of the problem caused for children by parents and other adults who cause a child to reject a loved parent.  Overwhelming guilt and shame and the utter bewilderment that comes when a child blames themselves first.  Because being…

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Meditation - Attribution: https://www.flickr.com/photos/wiertz/
Meditation – Attribution: https://www.flickr.com/photos/wiertz/

I was reading this report today on transparency about a father that brought a  case of Parental Alienation against his wife with respect to his two boys. The analysis of the case by the superbly independent Transparency Group showed that he was probably to blame for his actions, and ultimately the fact that he did not allow himself to reconsider the ramifications of his actions, or show any empathy for the circumstances which effectively caused the situation that now existed.

I read this report three times, and as always I drifted off in contemplation. All sorts of questions came to mind: Did I cause my own situation?  I am to blame? Am I possessed with blaming my ex-wife and her new husband for something that is ultimately down to me?

Continue reading “Self-Reflection”