A Living Death ?

This post was suggested by my various professionals during my journey and a post by David Shubert on iwaserased.com

I have thought about this a lot over the previous years. How to put into words the loss that I feel not seeing my children, having no idea what they are up to, not being asked daddy questions and an infinite amount of other possible situations.

I was ‘lucky’, in that I have found (or they found me?) a wonderful new partner and her son, both of whom adore me. They make me feel whole, and the residual doubt that I had every now and then that I could have been to blame for what happened between my children, their mother and I have been exorcised. I know I am a good partner and a good father to a son who isn’t mine. I certainly must take part of the blame, as no break-up is without fault on both sides, but certainly, the majority lies with my ex-wife and her new partner, whose actions regarding the children I really cannot even begin to understand. And to be frank I don’t think I am even capable of understanding how insidious their campaign against me was and probably still is.

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Types of alienation

Again, based on personal experience and has no relation to the work of practising members of the psychology profession!

I have been intimately involved in parental alienation for several years now. I have researched the hell out of it, and since the start of this blog at the start of the year I have also come across dozens more cases, some with their own blog, others through my twitter feed.

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Devastated Fathers Speak Out About Parental Alienation

Reports of the effects of parental alienation in Australia. Just as sad as elsewhere.

The Long Term Effects of Parental Alienation

For any parent who is alienated from their child, every single day brings the painful realisation that they are missing a vital piece of their heart and soul. To me it is an unimaginable pain, and yet one I encounter on an almost daily basis as I support men who through no fault of their own, have had this inflicted upon them.

Birthdays, holidays, and festive occasions are all exceptionally difficult times for alienated parents and after Christmas Day there is perhaps none more damaging or hurtful for men than being alienated on Father’s Day.

Many Australian families will be celebrating the role of father’s in their children’s lives this week. Little children will be rushing into Dad’s room to give him the present they made at school, or purchased from the school fete. Older children will be giving Dad a hug, making him breakfast and letting him know he is…

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How to Lie

That’s a strange title for a post isn’t it?

Well after several years of having to deal with this I have a theory. It probably will be shot down by any practising psychologist within a three-kilometer radius but here goes…

The problem with downright lying is that it is hard to reproduce. I mean we have all seen those crime series on TV, where the same questions are asked time and time again, sometimes from several angles to try and catch the perpetrator out. Well, there is a reason for this. If you make it up completely – I mean Pinocchio level lying, then it never happened, so how do you actually remember it? It is difficult, and some can do it, even maintaining the framework of several lies.

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Self-Reflection

Meditation - Attribution: https://www.flickr.com/photos/wiertz/

Meditation – Attribution: https://www.flickr.com/photos/wiertz/

I was reading this report today on transparency about a father that brought a  case of Parental Alienation against his wife with respect to his two boys. The analysis of the case by the superbly independent Transparency Group showed that he was probably to blame for his actions, and ultimately the fact that he did not allow himself to reconsider the ramifications of his actions, or show any empathy for the circumstances which effectively caused the situation that now existed.

I read this report three times, and as always I drifted off in contemplation. All sorts of questions came to mind: Did I cause my own situation?  I am to blame? Am I possessed with blaming my ex-wife and her new husband for something that is ultimately down to me?

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Pain is the Point of Parental Alienation

A very emotive post from a father that has lost his children to PA. Describing how it is possible for one person to do this out of pure spite, and with the intention of destroying the other parent – causing pain.

It hurt to read this, and if you have no idea of what abused parents have gone through please read this – it is a real eye-opener.

 

 

 

via No More Secrets And Lies: Pain is the Point of Parental Alienation

Choosing the right lawyer

This is potentially one of the most important decisions that you will make if custody becomes contested or access starts being violated.

I cannot stress this more strongly. 

I, unfortunately, went on a recommendation and landed a lawyer that just reacted. We cannot in the main expect lawyers to be pro-active, after all, they have other clients. But I now expect a lawyer to be pro-active in so far as they suggest different courses of action leading to a pre-defined and agreed goal.

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