Category / Real-life Stories

by lostdad

How to Lie

That’s a strange title for a post isn’t it?

Well after several years of having to deal with this I have a theory. It probably will be shot down by any practising psychologist within a three-kilometer radius but here goes…

The problem with downright lying is that it is hard to reproduce. I mean we have all seen those crime series on TV, where the same questions are asked time and time again, sometimes from several angles to try and catch the perpetrator out. Well, there is a reason for this. If you make it up completely – I mean Pinocchio level lying, then it never happened, so how do you actually remember it? It is difficult, and some can do it, even maintaining the framework of several lies.

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by lostdad

Self-Reflection

Meditation - Attribution: https://www.flickr.com/photos/wiertz/

Meditation – Attribution: https://www.flickr.com/photos/wiertz/

I was reading this report today on transparency about a father that brought a  case of Parental Alienation against his wife with respect to his two boys. The analysis of the case by the superbly independent Transparency Group showed that he was probably to blame for his actions, and ultimately the fact that he did not allow himself to reconsider the ramifications of his actions, or show any empathy for the circumstances which effectively caused the situation that now existed.

I read this report three times, and as always I drifted off in contemplation. All sorts of questions came to mind: Did I cause my own situation?  I am to blame? Am I possessed with blaming my ex-wife and her new husband for something that is ultimately down to me?

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by lostdad

Pain is the Point of Parental Alienation

A very emotive post from a father that has lost his children to PA. Describing how it is possible for one person to do this out of pure spite, and with the intention of destroying the other parent – causing pain.

It hurt to read this, and if you have no idea of what abused parents have gone through please read this – it is a real eye-opener.

 

 

 

via No More Secrets And Lies: Pain is the Point of Parental Alienation

by lostdad

Choosing the right lawyer

This is potentially one of the most important decisions that you will make if custody becomes contested or access starts being violated.

I cannot stress this more strongly. 

I, unfortunately, went on a recommendation and landed a lawyer that just reacted. We cannot in the main expect lawyers to be pro-active, after all, they have other clients. But I now expect a lawyer to be pro-active in so far as they suggest different courses of action leading to a pre-defined and agreed goal.

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by lostdad

Transparency: What to do about ‘parental alienation’: B (change of residence; parental alienation) March 2017

 

Excellent analysis of a recent decision to move a child that had been alienated from her father to the father.

To quote:

Certainly, parental alienation is a topic of significant public interest and importance for families and family justice professionals. It provokes strong opinions, including on whether and how the family court system (including Cafcass) ought to do better in identifying and managing parental alienation. International Parental Alienation Day on 25 April 2017 inspired a fair amount of commentary. See this Hansard debate secured by ex-Labour Party MP Simon Danczuk on 17 March for a flavour.

via What to do about ‘parental alienation’: B (change of residence; parental alienation) March 2017 | The Transparency Project

by lostdad

One of my favorite films

The-Day-the-Earth-Caught-Fire-17448_1I have just finished watching one of my favourite films. “The Day the Earth Caught Fire” about when the effects of two nuclear weapons tests result in the Earth being pushed slowly towards the sun.

In the film there is a not insignificant scene where one of the reporters of the Daily Express meets up with his ex-wife and his child. The impression given is that the mother, in this case, is ‘allowing’ him to see his child. A similar situation to some custody situations now.

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by lostdad

If you tell a lie often enough …

A lie told often enough becomes the truth

Lenin, Marxist revolutionary (1870-1924)

A very interesting quote is it not?  And what has it got to do with parental alienation?

Well – everything really.

Parental alienation works by giving the children the impression that the absent parent is ‘bad’, and to that end any tricks and/or lies are acceptable.

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by lostdad

Paolos words to me…

Words for the abused parents – Basically look after yourself.

A journey through emotional abuse

Be present. Make love. Make tea. Avoid small talk. Embrace conversation. Buy a plant, water it. Make your bed. Make someone else’s bed. Have a smart mouth, and quick wit. Run. Make art. Create. Swim in the ocean. Swim in the rain. Take chances. Ask questions. Make mistakes. Learn. Know your worth. Love fiercely. Forgive quickly. Let go of what doesn’t make you happy. Grow.

– Paolo Coelho

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