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Posts by lostdad

I'm a lost dad - A survivor. For years I have had to witness the continuing alienation of my boys from me. Several visits to court tried to stop the situation but in the end my own boys believed everything they heard at home and refused to see me any more. Parental alienation exists, is real and is abuse - both for the children and the non-residental parent.
by lostdad

Updated research: Adult Children of Parental Alienation

Interesting article about the ‘Adult children of PAS’ updated recently.

It details the background of how the PA came into being, but also goes into some of the research carried out on the effects when the children become adults.

This is the saddest part:

At the same time the awareness of the alienation led to a greater degree of conflict in their relationship with the alienating parent.

This statement alone should lead to an overhaul of the family law system in several countries.

Children need both parents.

via Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome

by lostdad

Karen Woodall: How It Looks To Me

Another insightful article from Karen Woodall. This time from the viewpoint of the children taken into care.

https://karenwoodall.wordpress.com/2017/05/05/how-it-looks-tome/

karenwoodall's avatarKaren Woodall - Psychotherapist, Writer, Supervisor, Trainer

I have been reading about children brought up in the care system and the way in which their whole lives were damaged by the way that the ‘system’ allowed them to be routinely abused.  Those children are now adults and they are seeking to be compensated for the way in which the care system failed them. And why wouldn’t they seek that compensation, their lives have been blighted by the anxiety, pain and suffering that comes from being vulnerable in a system in which the adults responsible for the care being given were dehumanized themselves.

It got me thinking about the UK’s approach to dealing with children who are unable to cope with parental separation and the way in which the lack of knowledge about the needs of those children create a system in which their needs are often overlooked, misunderstood and processed along a conveyor belt of tick boxes…

View original post 888 more words

by lostdad

Maßnahmen bei hoch strittiger Elternschaft der Politik – VAfK

One for the German readers here. A discussion about what should be done in ‘high conflict’ situations.

Take away figure (even for non-German) readers:
200,000 children are affected EVERY YEAR by separation/divorce in Germany. When just a few percent are affected by parental alienation then …

admin Familie Familienrecht- family law austria germany's avatarFamilie & Familienrecht

Video: Podiumsdiskussion in Kiel vom “Väteraufbruch für Kinder” e.V. – Kiel am 20. April 2017

Teilnehmer:
SPD Bernd Heinemann MdL Dipl. Sozialpädagoge – Mietglied im Sozialausschuss des Landtages
CDU Robert Vollborn – Ratsherr in Kiel
FDP Anita Klahn MdL – Mitglied im Sozialausschuss des Landtages
Die Grünen – Dr. Marret Bohn MdL – Mitglied im Sozialausschuss des Landtages
SSW Lars Harms MdL – Vorsitzender des SSW im Landtag
Piratenpartei Wolfgang Dudda MdL – Mitglied im Sozialausschusss des Landtages
Die Linke Katjana Zunft – Erzieherin , systemisch e Familien Beraterin verlies während der Veranstaltung das Podium
AFD Jörg Nobis – Mitglied im Landesvorstand Schleswig-Holstein
Anwalt Martina Comberg – Fachanwältin für Familienrecht (Kieler Modell, Zwnagsgeld, Zwangshaft, Cochemer Modell)
Moderation Markus Witt – Bundesvorstand Väteraufbruch für Kinder eV.

Um das Kind zu schützen – Maßnahmen bei hoch strittiger Elternschaft
Podiumsdiskussion des Väteraufbruch für Kinder e.V. in Kiel.
Jedes Jahr trennen sich die Eltern…

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by lostdad

Parental Alienation: Baiting and Bashing (includes some trains)!

Just a quick post on this pic/statement that appeared on my twitter feed today.

baiting

It is hard to believe that when one is behaving properly, correctly, in control, and holding the moral high ground of somebody that is essentially the victim, that they themselves can become the ‘aggressor’.

Let’s take a practical example out of my past experiences.

I finally got my court order changed to be able to pick up my boys and take them to Munich from Saturday to Sunday the first overnight stay for a year. Just over an hour with the direct train. But there was a problem. My Ex wanted me to go from a smaller station (Eichstätt-Stadt) that feeds into a larger mainline station (Eichstätt-Bahnhof) which would increase the journey by 40 minutes, and even longer for me because to arrive at the scheduled time I would be bound by the times of the train service to the smaller station and arrive 50 minutes before I was due to pick up the kids.

The judge agreed on the transfer point being the mainline station, which is around about the same journey time by car from their house as the other station. i.e. I was not asking them to go out of their way.

Sorry about the long-winded start, but here we go – what happens on the day?  I turn up on time at the court-ordered location – the mainline station.  She isn’t there. Knowing her now I sense what has happened and just wait. Sure enough, she turns up on the slow train from the other station that connects with the mainline service. She gets out with the children and starts raising her voice very loudly at me immediately, in front of at least three dozen other passengers and my children. I remain calm. She escalates, starts shouting and starts to look around for support. I could see the “you bastard” or similar looks in some people’s eyes. She starts talking about additional expenses of the tickets (< €4), anything to keep the situation going. The boys go off to sit and wait and I try to extricate myself, and finally manage it because I didn’t engage with her, and I certainly did not argue the toss.

So now read the graphic again please, and what have we:

  • She managed to make me the villain in the piece even though I followed the court order to the letter.
  • She made my children think that it as well.
  • She turned herself into the victim.
  • Any chance of me being believed in such a context is around zero.

It was her way of saying ‘I do not agree with you taking the kids to Munich (100km) away, you should still visit them here in Eichstätt (Pop. 14,000) and spend just a couple of hours in a coffee shop somewhere instead of quality time with your father at his home’.

There were desserts as well. On bringing them back the mainline train was a whole – wait for it – drumroll please – five minutes late. I sent her a text and she and her boyfriend were waiting. Cue scene and shouting. Demonstrably going to the timetable to see when the train should have arrived, and if I was late there would be trouble. Again the kids were witnessing all of this, as well as her ‘man’ who lamely said ‘We can check on the internet when we get home’.

This was the first time in over a year of lawyers and judges to be able to get the children to visit me in Munich. We had a great time, the memory of which was destroyed in seconds – coincidence?

An exchange of lawyers letters ensued and she yet again managed to circumvent a court order causing me to get a train an hour early just to be at the smaller station in time and causing the children an extra half an hour travelling to Munich. It also meant reducing the time with the children by an hour on the return journey. The effect being not only extending the journey time unnecessarily, but also laying the seeds for it being tedious to go and visit Daddy every time, and the journey is so long and boring, and there are better things to do with your time …

Learning to raise your voice can sometimes have the desired effect regardless of content – unfortunately.

Sorry about all the railway talk (takes off anorak sheepishly).

© 2017 lostdad – all rights reserved

by lostdad

Unbelievable story from Austria with a Happy End

Unbelievable story from Austria.

A mother kidnaps her daughter and takes her to her native Poland in December 2013, but the father manages to bring her back to Austria. He gets full custody for the daughter.

In October 2014 the partner of the father is attacked with pepper spray as she brings the daughter to the Kindergarten. She obviously brings her daughter to the grandmother in Polen and then after an international arrest order is issued the mother hands herself into the police. Leaving her daughter in Poland with the grandmother.

She is given a three-year jail sentence, which she is then able to serve out in Poland, where she is released on bail after a short while.

After following her they manage to find out where the daughter has been hidden (one of three hiding places in the time). They manage to free the daughter from the hiding place that is only rudimentary.

What on earth was this parent thinking of? The girl has not been to school in this time. Probably not even been to the doctors!

Luckily the alienation between the father and the daughter was able to be broken down a little after a couple of visits.

And after all this, the father still believes that when the dust has settled his daughter should see her mother.

Every child needs both their parents.

via Kritik an Behörden – Doppelentführung – Kind Lara gefunden! | Familie & Familienrecht

by lostdad

The Awe-inspiring Online Community of Parental Alienation

Another small confirmation that #parentalalienation #pas is started to get noticed. Might be too late for my children, but perhaps we can help those about to start on this most horrible and unwilling of all journeys.

Lee Azevado's avatarLee Serpa Azevado

The online presence of those affected by parental alienation is both immense and awe-inspiring. In terms of statistics, typing ‘parental alienation’ in to Google presents one with 1,170,000 results. #PAS on Twitter reaches an audience of 2,107,036 twitter accounts. There is an incalculable number of alienated parents across the developed world passionately campaigning, advocating and pleading online for some kind of social change that will effectively challenge the abuse that is parental alienation.

I myself have now become an active participant of this online community that I previously never knew existed. Like any other topic online, there is a communal sharing of experience, ideas and knowledge. However the outpouring of support for one another online is beyond words. Such support for one another is invaluable, crucial and without doubt in some cases life-saving.

An alienated parent recently tweeted his comparison of the evil of parental alienation to the Star Wars saga. ‘A battle…

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by lostdad

Growing Up in a World Without Windows and a Home Without Doors: Inside The Mind of the Alienated Child.

karenwoodall's avatarKaren Woodall - Psychotherapist, Writer, Supervisor, Trainer

This week finds me focused on the experience of growing up in an alienating environment and the ways in which children are prepared for the kind of mind bending and brain washing behaviours which are seen in alienation.  Keeping in mind that parental alienation is the result of three things – a) the alienating strategies of one parent b) the responses of the other and c) the resilience or vulnerability of the child, thinking about the ways in which resilience in children is undermined and how vulnerability is often created in the child almost before birth, it is easy to see that in some of these families, the very conditions that lead to children being alienated from one parent are simply part of their lives and normalised. In short, they don’t know any different and, it would seem, neither do their alienating parents. This is the generational procession of emotional…

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