Any text you read about how to tell the children about the impending split requires that it be handled gently, absolutely no bombshells, and that the introduction of new partners should not happen too suddenly.
Guess what happened.
We were in the conservatory when she asked the children to come in and said simply that I will be moving out – no real reason given that the children (7 & 5) could understand and that was it. No discussion between the parents beforehand – quite simply a bombshell. The children were, of course shocked and quite disturbed. They started to cry because they thought that they would never see me again. I managed to calm them down by saying that I was not moving out immediately and that I would still be in the area. There was no discussion between us beforehand – she decided unilaterally when and how.
Phasing in the future step-father was also too bloody quick. I heard from the children as soon as I moved out that he started to stay in the house as soon as I had moved out. And that the children were required to go into the bedroom and do the ‘wake up the parents’ game in the morning.
You might think this is just bad feelings on my part, but there are ways of doing things to protect the feelings of the children. It also was an indication of how quickly she was trying to replace me. Looking back I should have been more pro-active and discussed the how and when with her. Don’t make the same mistake.
I remember having a steaming argument about the children’s feelings with her when the children were at school – water off a duck’s back. Anyway when she started to provoke me I just left the house.
© lostdad 2017