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Posts by lostdad

I'm a lost dad - A survivor. For years I have had to witness the continuing alienation of my boys from me. Several visits to court tried to stop the situation but in the end my own boys believed everything they heard at home and refused to see me any more. Parental alienation exists, is real and is abuse - both for the children and the non-residental parent.

Swiss men are worried …

A poll was taken recently in the German-speaking area of Switzerland. 4121 men and 2768 women were polled regarding Feminismus und Gleichberechtigung (Feminism and Equality). This is a large sample for a poll apparently.

There were some interesting results, as can be taken from the report here (Google can do the heavy lifting for the translation!).

The really interesting result with respect to the subject matter of this blog is this:

German-speaking Swiss males feel that they are discriminated on the most in the area of “Bei meinen Rechten als Vater” (My rights as a father) with 38%. The topics all had to do with equality so the next point 12% behind (24%) was with conscription (mandatory only for swiss males).

swiss opinion poll

German-Speaking Swiss males also had problems with the social acceptance of the classical father role (11%).

Fathers are unsure of their rights, and are starting to see that problems that occur after a separation/divorce regarding custody or access to the children are not being resolved and that there appears to be no real desire to change this situation, regardless of the gender of the abused parent.

It’s time to change – all across Europe. Perhaps finally adopting the shared parenting recommendation of the Council of Europe (here) throughout all European (and still European!) countries would be a good start?

© lostdad 2017 – all rights reserved

25. April, internationaler Tag Eltern-Kind-Entfremdung (PAS)

admin Familie Familienrecht- family law austria germany's avatarFamilie & Familienrecht


Presseaussendung:
25. April: Tag gegen Elternentfremdung

25. April, Tag gegen Elternentfremdung: heimliche Gewalt von unheimlichen Ausmaßen!

Die österreichische Väterplattform begeht am 25. April den internationalen Tag gegen Elternentfremdung. Dazu stellt die Männerpartei klar: Elternentfremdung ist tiefgreifende Gewalt gegen zahlreiche Menschen.

Ist Elternentfremdung Gewalt?
Gewalt definiert sich dadurch, dass jemand beeinflussend, verändernd oder schädigend auf andere einwirkt. Elternentfremdung schadet nachweislich Kindern, Elternteilen (zumeist Vätern) und vielen Verwandten (zumeist väterlicherseits). Somit ist jede Elternentfremdung fortgesetzte Gewaltausübung gegen mehrere Personen.

Das Ignorieren von Gewalt durch Elternentfremdung in Politik und Justiz
Die österreichische Politik und Österreichs Justiz scheint meisterlich im Ignorieren von Gewaltformen wie Elternentfremdung zu sein. Doch ebenso, wie der Baum im Wald auch dann vom Blitz getroffen wird, wenn wir nicht hinsehen, handelt es sich bei jeder Elternentfremdung klipp und klar um brutale, seelische, familiäre Gewalt, egal, ob wir hin- oder wegsehen.

Die gesellschaftliche Dimension
Gewalt wird umso bedrückender erlebt, je weniger…

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Resilience, Responsibility and Recovery: Healing the Wounds of Parental Alienation

karenwoodall's avatarKaren Woodall - Psychotherapist, Writer, Supervisor, Trainer

Helping children and young people to heal from alienation is not a difficult task when one understands the process they need to go through in order to do that.  For there is a clear and easily followed path to assisting children and young people in these circumstances. I know that because I have walked that path with eleven children so far this year and all are on the road to healing well. Last year I walked it with almost forty children and all of them are healing well, most well enough for me to not need to work with them any longer.  Over my working life in this field I have walked with and helped many children, young people and adults heal from the impact of parental alienation.  It is not a difficult task, especially if one has a healthy rejected parent to work alongside because this parent is the…

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When Alienation is solved it’s still a problem

Nick Child's avatarthe alienation experience

Dr Sue Whitcombe, counselling psychologist at Family Psychology Solutions, gives us this case scenario. It’s unusual because you’d think the problem’s been solved. But the solution has ushered in another problem, just as awful.

Dr Sue Whitcombe Dr Sue Whitcombe

Sue’s original title was: A question of competence? Mental health and protection from harm and abuse.  It’s such a strong case study that it’s worth publishing afresh here – with her permission. Please respond as well to Sue’s request to support the petition and the cause in Wales to ensure that professionals have to be more aware.

Our title here – When Alienation is solved it’s still a problem – underlines how Parental Alienation can be harmful even when you might think the Alienation has been solved. The young adult child, Jane, in this case has re-established a relationship with her previously Alienated parent. But the predicament is still so terrible that she presents as suicidal.  So: “What’s the problem now?!”

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Ms Baldwin and her ‘friends’ – Not good for the children

This is a follow-up to my earlier post discussing the Samantha Baldwin case from the perspective of parental alienation and emotional child abuse. An excellent background of the case can be found on the transparency project website here.

I wanted to revisit this after a couple of weeks to see how the media have reacted after she and the boys were found and to see if this has generated any positive debate for an obvious long-overdue discussion of the family law in the UK regarding conflicted parents.

I was shocked.

As far as I can tell the media have come up with two – yes in words – TWO serious stories about the case:

  • A piece from the well regarded parental alienation counsellor Karen Woodall in the Huffington Post here, and
  • A strange uninformed piece in the Sunday Telegraph written by somebody who appeared not the read the judge’s ruling. It was so off-the-mark that the transparency group actually commented on the piece within 24 hours, it can be found here. Sunday Telegraph article is not available online.

In addition, there have been a couple of good blog posts:

  • One from hoxstead research addressing the alleged type of abuse that took place. This piece can be found here.
  • An interesting and well-written piece from a supporter of Ms Baldwin. Where we actually share something in common – As soon as we mention family law etc. in the pub our friends’ eyes glaze over! Can be found here.

 

Then we come to the problem: A self-feeding frenzy between the tin-foil hat brigade and the active supporters of Ms Baldwin on #Justice4s. Let’s analyse these a little bit in detail.

There is a so-called ‘investigative journalist’ called Richard Carvath who is tweeting away making wild allegations of a wider abuse ring. Check him out yourself on @richardcarvath. Either he is tweeting, or someone called ‘OBO’ (probably stands for ‘On Behalf Of’ to increase the theatrics. He also has a wordpress site where he states:

much of Richard’s public online content (since about 2008) has related to pro bono journalistic assignments – typically featuring a Christian subject unlikely to be of interest to mainstream media and news agencies.  Taken as a whole, Richard’s online content has always been, and remains, very much the ‘tip of the iceberg’ of his operations.

Now my father was a photographer for a local paper, and I knew local journalists. They would kill and serve their grandmother up for breakfast for a good story and its byline because that was their way to Fleet Street – recognition. Real investigative journalists do not avoid bylines.

Now if that wasn’t enough, he has started to prance about in a forest somewhere making videos (as if he is ‘undercover’, or ‘hiding from the establishment’ or something).  Check them out here.

In public, he provides NO evidence solid or otherwise to back up his exceptionally wild claims.

Finishing off, he also stood for parliament as the independent candidate for Salford and Eccles where his true nature was displayed for all to see: islamophobe and homophobe, as can be seen here. So this chap is genuinely not to be believed in my assessment. The veracity of his facts cannot be checked because he doesn’t provide any!

So why am I spending so much time on this man? Because he is one of the main sources quoted on the #justice4s site. Another source that I can briefly mention is a twitlonger text by a user called @BankerDidIt, whose tweets are protected, but his ‘about text’ quotes ‘#wwii Greatest Secret – must NEVER BE REVEALED. Churchill’, and the logo is decidedly anti-semitic – tin foil anyone?

This brings us on nicely to the facebook page, set up by friends of Ms Baldwin. The aim of this site is to bring ‘justice 4 sam’. Well as I see it justice has been served. Ms Baldwin has been found to have invoked the so-called nuclear option – allegations of child abuse without any basis in fact. The judge has even said that she drugged her own children to support these claims. Incredibly the supporters on the facebook page are just ignoring this and not only carrying on in their support (their call, and legitimate) but also repeating the allegations against the father, his family and friends (Not legitimate, libellous and abusive).

To reiterate, Ms Baldwin through her actions has caused the children to be alienated from their father in such a way as they (the children) actually believe the allegations. This is emotional abuse. She has done irreparable damage to her own children. What is happening now – her friends, with her sanction are continuing to publish libellous claims, ignoring completely what the Judge has found. These claims will also affect the children.

 

Ms Baldwin’s friends and supporters are continuing to post their allegations, even though they have been dismissed by the police and the courts. Ms Baldwin is obviously condoning this – this is continuing her emotional abuse of the children. Before Ms Baldwin absconded with her children these allegations were not nationwide, perhaps just with a circle of local friends. In any case they will not have been accessible by the children, people in the street were not pointing to the children and muttering stuff about their parents. Their friends at school probably knew nothing about this – they do now. With these allegations, the children can probably never have a normal life in the place they call home. Did you people think of that as you were posting these allegations? That it is tantamount to emotional abuse? Probably not. If anything the father has shown himself to be a better person than all of you for not dragging his children into this now very public fight and issuing only one statement. Ms Baldwin and her friends and supporters have weaponised the children and made it incredibly hard for the professionals to help them.

In Europe and the UK, we live in a democracy, where we entrust the law to professionals. If you don’t like the judgment, you apply for leave to appeal to a higher court – not ignore it and take it all into the public arena. Where would we be if everybody did this? A shoplifter stands up in front of the Judge and says “I do not agree with your verdict M’Lud” tweets his friends, and then simply leaves without any sanction.

This “I don’t agree with the judgement, therefore I will try to circumvent it” attitude is typical of parents (male and female) that abuse the law to keep the children away from non-residential parents. It is also how children become alienated because this gives the residential parent time to persuade the children to reject their other parent.  This is one of many areas where family law should be reformed. If there are no sanctions, then abusive parents will ignore the law, where is the incentive to obey?

If Ms Baldwin had any decency she would ask her supporters to remove the allegations, and just support her, and the laudable aim of reforming family law cases in the UK. The declared aims of the #justice4s march at the weekend are in the main for a reform of ‘Family Court Law’, and should be supported by anyone who has suffered at the hands of this opaque and antiquated system. But not as a vehicle to hold a public retrial of the Baldwin/Madge case and ‘overturn’ a legitimate judges’ ruling by proxy.

My hope that there would have been an informed debate leading perhaps to the conclusion that family law is in need of reform has so far not been realised. Just more despair for the poor children in this case.

Alienation in Five Easy Steps

Excellent Post again from Karen. Especially due to the fact that I saw my past as I was reading it.

Please read this if you need to understand what parental alienation is without wading through lots of (pseudo-) scientifc texts on the internet.

karenwoodall's avatarKaren Woodall - Psychotherapist, Writer, Supervisor, Trainer

I have been asked recently about alienating strategies used by parents and how to manage these. This is a starter post in terms of this topic which is vast in terms of the how and why of alienation. To begin with we will break down the alienation process into steps and relate it to everyday adult relationships. Then we will look at the vulnerability of the child and putting it all together, we will see how easy it is for anyone who wants to, in a family separation setting, to alienate a child against the other parent.

Step by Step Alienation Strategies (How An Alienator, Alienates)

Step One: The alienator decides that they are the better person than the person they wish to do harm to (alienate). On the basis of this a self righteousness will begin to grow and the alienator will start to believe that they have the…

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The Samantha Baldwin case: Hoaxtead redux?

Another take on the Samantha Baldwin case

El Coyote's avatarHOAXTEAD RESEARCH

It’s hard to live in the UK and remain unaware of the case of Samantha Baldwin, the Nottingham mother who fled family court while the judge was reading his judgement, grabbed her two children, and went on the run from police for nearly two weeks.

The facts of the case are laid out in this unusual short public judgement, made on 10 April 2017 by HHJ Lea:

The strong presumption in favour of open justice which applies generally to Court proceedings does not apply to proceedings which are held in private and relate to children. The default position is one that by statute and rules prohibits the dissemination of any information relating to the proceedings unless the Court directs otherwise: (In Re W) (children)[2016] EWCA Civ 113. In this case I exercised my discretion to allow a controlled degree of publicity to assist the children to be found. That does…

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A Broken System: Oaths Betrayed In Family Law

 

This article from the Huff Post ties in with what I and probably many have experienced. The lack of honesty in the family court. Lies of course, but also non-observance of judges rulings etc.

I even managed to get the child care professionals and the social services to agree with me that circumventing a court order for access is in fact teaching the children that they can ‘bend’ the law – it didn’t help.

via A Broken System: Oaths Betrayed In Family Law | The Huffington Post